Dear Biblical Scholars,
We, the proud supporters of Israel, are deeply concerned about an aspect of the history of Judaism, as reflected in the various texts based thereon. The passage is contained in the Books of Samuel and is famously known as David vs. Goliath.
What concerns us, in the current political climate, is the message that passage might give to the enemies of Israel. As everyone knows, Goliath is the archetypal big bully who used his great strength and superior weaponry and armour to instil fear in his opponents. David, later King of Israel (including all that land the Palestinian invaders stole from us and which we want back), went onto the field with only a sling and some stones.
This is deeply unfortunate as it would tend to imply that Israel was not a pillar of strength and, instead, was clearly the weaker of the two and won, to be honest, by a bit of a fluke. OK, you can say God did it, but really?
We would like to suggest that you edit the holy books – the Hebrew ones at least, but it would be good to get the Gideons on board so we change those Christian Bibles in hotel rooms – to give a better historical reflection of (future) King David and Israel. What we suggest you add is a tank. David decides not to wear armour and picks his stones out of the brook and walks out with his sling and all that, but just behind him is a huge tank with its huge barrel pointing directly at Goliath’s head, just in case. And maybe a few unmanned drones flying overhead targeting the leaders of the Philistines as well, just for good measure.
We hope you can support this radical idea and see how important it is that Israel is shown to be far stronger than Goliath and still supported by God. Because, you know, if we didn’t, people might think that Israel today was Goliath and the Palestinians were, well, a bit like David and his sling and stones. And we couldn’t possibly have that.
The Zionist supporters of Israel.